First of all, let me say that this has been a long time coming. It has been years for me, and God has done great things in my heart and healing has since been achieved. I am using my real first name, but all others involved will not be mentioned for sake of privacy . My name is Rebecca, I will withhold the last name for obvious reasons.
I grew up with several siblings, but our mother and father separated when we were small children and we lived with our mother. When my twin and I were eight, our mother got a cancer diagnosis, and she lasted two years before she died. But before that time, she met a man through her church who she thought was a good man, but that he was not. She married him and he legally adopted us. I am disgusted to think I had this man’s last name till I was 24.
The abuse and molestation started almost immediately. I remember being told that I was supposed to enjoy what was happening to me. At first it was touching, then it was much worse, though never to the point of intercourse.
We finally told our older sister what was happening, and she went to the church leaders. Once we told the church leaders it was dealt with in a swift manner. But to this day, most people from the church are not aware of what was done to us.
We were then placed with the pastor and his wife. Our mom was too overwhelmed with dying from cancer to know what to do. Once she passed away, that oldest sibling — 12 years older than us — became our legal guardian and took care of us, but her physical and emotional abuse of us was severe and would last until we were 28.
Then that abusive older sister met someone who again claimed to be a Christian man. This man was a convicted felon. He married our older sister, and when we were 13, he took my virginity. I remember saying no and crying.
His sexual abuse was a secret, I was terrified, sworn to silence, and completely isolated. We did not have friends over, and I was not allowed to date — that was just in order to have food or clothes or to go out and do anything if I was lucky. In his words, I had to what he called “put out.”
When I was 13, my period was late, so I had to take a pregnancy test. As it turned out, I was not pregnant but part of me wished I had been because then maybe he would have been caught and I could have finally been protected. To this day, he has not paid for his crimes.
However, my twin sister became pregnant by him at 14. I remember being stunned, but trying to reach out to neighbors for help. However, we lived out in the country and we were homeschooled until middle school, so we were very, very isolated. She told me about how he was planning to take her for an abortion. She tried to run away, but was brought back.
He took her to Planned Parenthood and lied, telling them she had a boyfriend who got her pregnant. Our older sister was never told about the pregnancy. I was amazed at the ease with which he was able to get away with this. We live in the state of Washington, and he was just able to take her for the abortion to destroy the evidence, covering up his crime. And the sexual abuse of both of us continued.
I got out of that house when I was 18, but suffered many years of what I call being a modern-day sex slave. Because my virginity had been taken from me at such a young age, I had feelings of absolute worthlessness. When I turned 18, that’s all I knew, I had a lot of issues of not being able to have any normal relationships. I had no normalcy of how I was to behave or be treated. The men I dated were not good me at all and I struggled in very unhealthy relationships.
I want to clarify that had I not chosen to forgive these men, no kind of healing in any way would have been possible.
I struggled in my twenties and even had an abortion when I was 23. I remember being told that there was a cut off for having the abortion at a clinic. I was scared and felt under pressure to get it done before the cut off. They make it sound like it was simple, but it was absolutely horrific. I have never forgotten blood spattering all over the sheet that they had over me, and I knew exactly what that was. I felt the greatest sorrow — what did I just do?! I remember crying and had absolutely no relief, like they assured me I would. Instead it was the exact opposite.
I became pregnant shortly after that with the same father, and I had my son, but had severe post-partum depression, When he was a month old, a thought popped in my head, “If Jesus was to return today, would I go to Heaven?” and that thought got my attention. I rededicated my life to God, I repented of my sins, and fled that home.
I now have two children ages 10 and 12 and have been married 12 years in November and life is good. Both of my children are pro-life, but my 10 year old daughter has been very active. They know the story of their lost sibling. My daughter got mad at me and still is very sorrowful over it, and I completely understand. But God is using this for good and it’s motivated her to be passionately pro-life.
I have left out many graphic details, but I wanted to share my story in the hope others would see that abortion is not the solution for pregnancies by rape or for any other situation. I want other women to know that whether you’ve been abused or suffered an abortion, healing is possible and that with God, nothing is impossible.
To God be the Glory, Rebecca
BIO: Rebecca is a wife, mother of 2, post-abortive and now a pro-life blogger for Save The 1.
